I'm listening to the waves outside the shore house my mom has had since I was the same age as my little girl. I'm working here tonight. A spur of the moment decision led me "down the shore" (as my extended family from Philadelphia says) so my husband and I could have a kid-free long weekend at home, and my daughters could have Camp Seashore. Tomorrow I'll go back home.
I mention this because my lifestyle - and, most importantly my mindset - just doesn't seem to work with other companies. I kind of have to be able to pick up at any moment and carve out time to do my work whether I'm in Nashville, LA, down the shore, or at home.
And I finally realized that is okay.
I have also realized that I've found most of the directors I've worked with, and most of the bosses to be either poor leaders or poor businesspeople. Were they really? Nah. Probably not more so than any other combination. But at my age, I've discovered that I no longer want to feel that discord. Rubbing up against thinking "if she only did this" or "why doens't he do that" we would be so successful.
And, it should be noted that each one of those directors and bosses were perfectly fine and capable. The common factor in all of them was me. So, clearly there is a control freak in me that wants to do things her way.
Having this kind of clarity makes life simpler. The tension of being undecided about whether I "should apply for a full time job or start my own business" finally goes away. (An internal debate I'd been having for nearly a year.) The safety and security that I wanted from a career at an already established company will just clearly be what I have to work for as I work for myself. The things I wanted to do that the company would have given me, are just things I'll have to strive towards on my own.
So now the challenge is - how to do it at scale. How does my business grow at a pace where I can give myself the stability I crave while still living life on my own terms - able to ditch my desk for the day and put in a late session somewhere else after the kids go down.
I suppose that's what this blog will chronicle.
When was the moment that you realized that working for yourself worked for you? Send me a DM on Instagram @annieschiffmann. Would love to hear about it - and how it's treated you afterwards.